It's enough to make anyone crazy.

I get myself into messes. I know this. But the past two weeks have really gone above and beyond in terms of testing my patience. A brief look into what's going on at our house:

We're nearly done with the bedroom remodel. "Remodel" seems like such a strong word, but this isn't just slapping up some new paint. Five years after we first moved in, we're back to spackling, fixing cracks, and finally painting the ceiling. Yes, we did do this room when we moved in, and yes, it was a ton of work, but it wasn't perfect. Justin, apparently, is going for perfect. We've been sleeping in the guest room for the past two weeks, and I've been told I'll be back in my bed tomorrow night. I MUST be back in my bed tomorrow night because:

Portrait of the Dog as tired of this shit.

Penny is here. My parents dropped her off last week, and they're returning from their vacation tomorrow night at midnight, and they, of course, will sleep in the guest room.

Some of my week has looked like this:

It's like an idiot convention in here.But most of it has looked like this:

No, seriously, when is she going home?Gracie has all of a sudden become a jealous bird, and she can't stand it when I pay attention to Penny. She used to not care, but now she's all I'M THE ONLY DOG IN THIS HOUSE and it's become quite tiresome. After my parents left on Saturday morning, Gracie spent the day preventing Penny from coming upstairs. Also, she's been in my face all week, obviously trying to tell me something. We asked her if Timmy fell in the well again, but just got a blank look.

On the upside of things, I've been spinning:

I'm very nearly done spinning the singles and hoping against hope that plying it won't turn into a muddy mess. I'd like to start plying tomorrow, but we'll see. I think this will become socks for Justin. It's nice to spin again, especially while watching Downton Abbey on Netflix. I have all of a sudden stopped watching all of the Real Housewives and now record The This Old House Hour and all of the Masterpiece Classics.

Welcome to my 30s.

Gracie's spring vacation

(Note from Kristin: Gracie can't type, so I offered to help her with this. She was very clear that I should leave the spelling and grammar as originally written. She also wanted to show you a picture of deer poop, but I convinced her to leave well enough alone.)

Dere peeples:

Mama and Daddy went on airplane and I stayed at Grandma's. Penny and I played. I chased deers and eated their poop. I also eated dog biscuits, whipped cream, watermelons, potato chips, and foam from beers. Penny and I killed Booda, my pengwin. His head ript off. Grandpa bought me new pengwin at Menards. Grandpa love Menards.

Booda, before his untimely (but totally expected) death.

Mama call every day but I no talk to her. I lick phone, tho. I rassle with Penny at school every morning. We like to fight. My eye bleeded, but not Penny's fault. I kick my own self in face with back paw when trying to clean ear. Almost better now. Grandma and Grandpa give me bath on driveway. I love driveway bath. Daddy told me he wants to take one, too. I am soft now.

I was sad to leave Grandma's house, but Penny be here in a week. We will rassle and kill toys.

I tired now.

Luv,

Gracie Lou

A message from our idiot sponsors

It's no longer Christmas, but that doesn't mean it's too late for messages of peace on Earth and loving your fellow...tiger.

Or not.

MAYHEM

Our house is a zoo and I feel like a daycamp counselor.  Penny is spending the week with us while my parents vacation in Napa.  Past visits have been somewhat harrowing, what with eating an entire onion and several bars of soap, but this one is going rather smoothly.  Almost too smoothly.  Penny is being a very good houseguest and has made good use of Gracie's crate.  Gracie hates her crate and never goes in it unless she knows she's been bad, so we didn't think it would be a big deal.

Oh, but it is.

Gracie isn't sharing well.  Terrible twos?  Perhaps.  Everytime Penny picks up a toy, Gracie has to have it.  Penny gets in one of the FIVE dog beds we have in the house, Gracie wants to lie only in that one.  Penny gets in the cage, Gracie gets in, too.

The only time she's semi-okay with the sharing situation is when they're in the beds in the family room.  Why?

BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE EXACT SAME BED.

And you can see that Gracie is still kind of pissed about the whole thing while Penny clearly couldn't care less.  (Penny is in Gracie's, Gracie is in Penny's.)

I like having Penny around, but, man, is it exhausting.  We're a little more on-guard since Penny is a thief and will eat everything, including drywall.  But there are also many more paws to clean, heads to wipe (Penny loves to help in the kitchen) and ears to scratch.  I've actually been playfully pestering Justin to let us get another dog so G would have a friend, but I'm reversing my position on that.  Now I just want a good dog friend for G, one who lives next door or something.  While we are surrounded by dogs in our neighborhood, we haven't found a perfect fit for G.  (Grumpy Gus is a kazillion years old.  Jack and Jack's Friend would be perfect, but their owner works kind of strange hours.  So Gracie just stares at them through the fence.)

Anyway - daycamp counselor.  They both had makeovers Sunday night (brushing and a good wipe down with doggie wipes, and Gracie got her nails did), and last night the three of us took an exhausting walk around the perimeter of our rambling neighborhood.  (I have no idea why, but Gracie has suddenly decided she must walk in the middle of the street at all times.  I wish for the days when she sat in the gutter and cried when we tried to take her for a walk.)  Tonight, we're going shopping.  Yes.  My mom sent Penny with $20, so we're going to go visit Kyra at Land of Paws and look for something fun.  And then maybe we'll come home, unroll our sleeping bags and talk about boys.

Someone is an only dog.

And in this corner...

I cleaned the first floor of the house last night and even though my foot hurts from all the standing and vacuuming and dusting, I feel a lot better. I think Gracie is very glad that I picked up the makeshift tile layout from the living room. It was making her nervous. The complete disaster upstairs still gives me heart palpitations, so I'm only going up there once a day for clothes and makeup.

In addition to all the cooking, picking up and general fretting I did last week, I got to hang out with these two idiots:

The idiot on the right, in the course of one week, ate a bar of soap, an onion, blueberry pancakes and some vegetable fried rice. The idiot on the left has learned a new game where she plays with her toys very close to the entertainment center, pushes them underneath the entertainment center and then cries until someone gets the toy for her. I hate this game. This is the worst game in the world. So I refuse to play the game and she has to wait for Justin to get the toy for her. And those two and a half hours he's in class two nights a week are very, very long for her.

(Aren't Gracie's eyes WEIRD? It's like she's sucking your soul.)